Barsexuality is the new black.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
