My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize