What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
