My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
