I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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