I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
