did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize