Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
