Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
