everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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