I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
