i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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