he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
