My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
