I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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