i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
