i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
