but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
