It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize