Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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