Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
