i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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