It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
