Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
