My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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