i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
