you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
