So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
