Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
