This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
