just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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