I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He shit in the fireplace
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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