Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
