Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to sanitize my soul.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
