i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
