Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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