Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
