Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
