finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
