Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
