All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
