There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize