Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
