I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
