Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
