Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize