He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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