my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
