He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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