I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
