how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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