Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
