I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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