I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
