It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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