New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
