That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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