Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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