so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
