I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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