ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
