So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
