My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
