I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think your dad took our porno
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