at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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